About Face
(Writing in a time of change)
Every few years I need a new “official” photograph to renew my driver’s license or passport. These photos serve one purpose only: to show what I look like now, to prove to the world that I am who I say I am.
“Official” photos are set against plain backgrounds in harsh light. “Glasses off, do not smile, chin up,” the young man said as I stood between the camera and the roll down shade at a local CVS. Click, done, next. Several hours later the image of an old woman arrived via email. The woman in the photo has more than one chin, her skin tone is uneven, her hair is more white than black, there are lines around her mouth and eyes. She is impassive, her face revealed as it is. I did not recognize her.
It is worth noting here that I have chosen, and do choose, to be the age I am. I do not try to “look younger” by using fillers or surgery or artfully applied make-up. I have no judgement about anyone who does, our culture and its ideas about youth and beauty are hard to resist. I try to be strong, healthy, loving, gentle, and generative. I eat well, move my body, and I keep learning and creating. I decided years ago that, if I am going to spend money on beauty, it will be on a trip with my family to Florence, Italy to see the art and countryside, to have an adventure and make memories that will live on for them long after I have passed into Mystery and history. I am hoping that can still happen, but the world has changed and is changing. We shall see.
Like many of us “of a certain age,” I have a mental picture of myself that I knew (probably) didn’t quite correspond to what I actually look like. It turns out that mental picture was a great big illusion. I guess I can be forgiven for that; I was young for much longer than I will be old, and all my memories so far are memories from my youth.
Like many of my sister and brother citizens, I have held an identity of who we are as a nation. It turns out that, too, was an illusion.
Becoming disillusioned is tough. Accepting the truth about myself/ourselves is not easy or pleasant. Still, the truth is the only place to stand in times like these. May we stand in grace. May it be so.
Courage my dears. Love one another.